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The best religion ever.

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Author Topic: The best religion ever.  (Read 175 times)
Tirin
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« on: March 22, 2009, 03:18:20 pm »

Matthowseism

How the World was created

In Matthowseism, the world was created in seven days as the Christian bible suggests, with the following alterations:

On the first day, a planet made of water, and a planet made of earth, collided. This colossal smashing of planets caused the two planets to join together, to form a planet in which there was earth and water.

On the second day, green meteorites began to rain down from space, dispersing trees, grass, and other wildlife across the planet, thus there was greenery.

On the third day capsules rained down from space, which turned into animals. Those which landed in the sea became fish and amphibians. Those which did not reach land became creatures of the air.

On the fourth day, everyone relaxed and enjoyed this planet.

On the fifth day a man woke up in a tree and realized his planet made of earth was no longer a planet made just of earth, and all his brothers had died.

On the sixth day a woman woke up in another tree and realized her planet made of water was no longer a planet made just of water, and all her sisters had died.

On the seventh and final day, both man and woman discovered each other, invented beer, got drunk, and spent a wild night together, no longer depending on asexual reproduction and ensuring more diversity.

Gods of Matthowseism

The gods of Matthowseism are as follows:

Matthew, A.K.A., Matt. The creator and controller, and specifically the god of sex and beer. The most important of the gods, but at the same time, least often involved in the world's affairs.

Peter, A.K.A., Tirin, God of Time, Cold, and Shadows. Most often involved in the world's affairs.

Spiffums, God of Spiffiness.

Evan, God of Badassedness.

DW, A.K.A., Darkwarrior, and Chris, Gods of War.

Sjet, God of Knowledge and Logic.

Alexander, A.K.A., Alex, God of Music.

Principles

The principles of Matthowseism are as follows:

1. You are better looking than anyone, no questions asked.

2. Every guy and girl, do, in fact, want you. (Depending on which sex you are).

3. Two followers should never counter-act each other, both are extremely good-looking and can work together to get any guy or girl.

4. You are not emo.

5. Anyone who says differently are to be considered heathens.

Any questions?
« Last Edit: March 26, 2009, 07:08:10 pm by Tirin » Report Spam   Logged

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« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2009, 03:19:17 pm »

No religion is the best, silly goose.
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Itsuki Koizumi
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« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2009, 03:20:01 pm »

No religion is the best, silly goose.
You lose. This one is better than any other.
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« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2009, 03:20:44 pm »

You lose. This one is better than any other.
Religion is for weak minded fools, you loose.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2009, 03:23:19 pm by CIFLIT » Report Spam   Logged
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« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2009, 03:21:48 pm »

I've said it before, I'll say it again. Matt is the only cool god in Matthowseism. Although Evan is pretty bad-ass.
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« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2009, 03:36:45 pm »

I've said it before, I'll say it again. Matt is the only cool god in Matthowseism. Although Evan is pretty bad-ass.

You're wrong, and hence should feel terrible.

Religion is for weak minded fools, you loose.

Since you build shrines to your horrible book, does that mean you're weak-minded?  Wink
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« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2009, 03:40:46 pm »

.

Since you build shrines to your horrible book, does that mean you're weak-minded?  Wink
I read the book, like, once. It's just another book that I read. I don't build shrines to every book I read.
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Itsuki Koizumi
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« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2009, 03:42:21 pm »

I read the book, like, once. It's just another book that I read. I don't build shrines to every book I read.
You'd be a terrible librarian.
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« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2009, 03:42:57 pm »

You'd be a terrible librarian.
Yes, yes i would.
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Yuki Nagato
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« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2009, 03:43:10 pm »

Pagan beliefs are looked down upon.

The advent of the Blind Runner Watchers is upon us. Heretics will be persecuted.
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« Reply #10 on: March 22, 2009, 03:44:07 pm »

RandomMan, Stop your power abusement.
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Yuki Nagato
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« Reply #11 on: March 22, 2009, 03:44:43 pm »

Pffffffft.
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« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2009, 03:45:30 pm »

Pffffffft.
You are a horrible person.
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Itsuki Koizumi
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« Reply #13 on: March 22, 2009, 03:46:22 pm »

Next person who posts in here dies. Stupid admins.
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« Reply #14 on: March 22, 2009, 11:29:12 pm »

Sex.
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